We continue to live
So, I’ve finally had that talk with my mom, yes, that one…the one that I’ve been dreading for so long but knew it would come eventually. When she told me to sit down and talk…I knew it was coming. For the most part, she took it a WHOLE lot better than I expected…but at the same time, it was not all hugs and understanding either.
She realized that this is the way I am, and slightly acknowledges that I can’t change. But still, she believes if I get married and have a kid, there is still a chance I could change…uh, no mom, there isn’t. Then she tells me I should try it, for her and my dad’s sake, and if it doesn’t work out, I could get a divorce…(hah). When I tell her I don’t want to, she says that I’m selfish, that I’m only living for myself and not willing to sacrifice for her and my dad. Am I selfish? Sometimes I feel that I am. That I’m putting my happiness in front of theirs. But is it wrong for me want to be happy? But beyond that, I just wouldn’t be able to live with myself. I can’t live a lie; I have to be true to myself. I wish I could have conveyed that to her better, but I didn’t know the words in Vietnamese.
Our talk delved into other topics like filial piety (or my lack of), AIDS and SF (or her fear of), and family. Although sometimes our discussion got heated, there was no dramatic yelling, crying, or disownment, for which I am thankful. At least she is not in denial and seems to be okay, and a lot more rational than I thought she would be. But I know that this is not the last time I will disappoint her in this department and that makes me sad. At least the initial and biggest disappointment is over.
She asked if I want my dad to know…I said I don’t know. After we talked, I massaged her neck because she felt tired. She then nagged me for not eating enough vegetables.
